


The Mating Game

by theramblinrose



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Building Lives, Building a future, F/M, Janeway x Chakotay, The start of something more, chakotay x janeway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-17 02:49:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13649874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theramblinrose/pseuds/theramblinrose
Summary: Janeway x Chakotay, Short Story.  Home was seventy five years away.  They were lonely.  It was only natural that they would seek companionship.  They would begin to pair off.  It was a law of nature.  They would start to seek mates.  It was the natural order of things for everyone else, but could it be the natural order for a captain?  Rated for possible future events.





	1. Chapter 1

AN: This is the first part to a short story. Some of the ideas of this story were taken from Elogium, but it’s been adapted by me for the story. 

I own nothing from Star Trek.

I have to add in the disclaimer that I have no loyalties to Mark and, therefore, I have no problem erasing him. I’m sorry if you’re a fan of Mark’s. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“There you are, Captain,” Chakotay said. “I thought I might see you over breakfast.” 

“I heard Neelix mention a leola root omelet and I decided to just have coffee for breakfast,” Kathryn responded. “Did you need something, Commander?” 

Chakotay took his seat near her on the bridge. The morning was calm. There was very little going on and everyone passed in and out rather leisurely. Chakotay leaned toward her, though, as though he were afraid of being overheard. 

“I wanted to talk to you about fraternization on the ship, Captain,” Chakotay said. 

“Fraternization?” Kathryn asked.

“Maybe that’s not the word I’m looking for,” Chakotay said, laughing quietly to himself. “To be honest, I spent most of my breakfast searching for the right way to present this to you. It’s about the couples on the ship, Captain. There are a number of them. On top of that, there have been a few instances of jealousy and a few arguments to handle because those relationships that seem to be popping up everywhere.”

It was only natural. They were on the ship for an indefinite amount of time. Realistically they were looking at seventy five years on Voyager if nothing happened that sped up their trip, somehow, or slowed them down dramatically. People were starting to settle in and accept the fact that they wouldn’t be seeing Earth for some time. They were starting to get comfortable with each other and they were starting to see each other as members of some type of extended family.

Relationships—romantic and otherwise—were starting to form everywhere. 

It was only natural. They were only doing what was natural for any lifeform.

They were comfortable, their needs were met, and now they were seeking mates for companionship and, eventually, to continue the species.

“What about these relationships did you wish to discuss, Commander?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay looked at her. The corners of his mouth curled ever so slightly upward before he forced his expression back to a more neutral one. 

“We’re lightyears away from the Alpha Quadrant,” Chakotay said. “We’re on our own out here. We’re seventy five years away from Earth. Whatever we decide to do out here? That’s up to us, but we need to have a clear idea of our policies. Do we allow the relationships to develop as they seem to be developing, or do we do our best to stifle them?”

Kathryn sucked in a breath and held it. On a short mission they’d frown upon something as unprofessional as an open relationship that possibly drew attention away from duties, caused favoritism among members of the crew, or even caused negative interactions among members of the crew. This wasn’t a short mission, though, and Kathryn didn’t want to play like she was a god that lorded over every aspect of her crew members’ lives. It wasn’t fair to them. They would spend most of their lives on Voyager. She couldn’t ask them to spend their lives ignoring everything they felt the natural urge to do. 

“We’re a long way from home,” Kathryn said. “Everybody’s homesick. They’re lonely. They’re thinking about the lives that they dreamed of having on Earth. It’s only natural that they’re going to be looking for some kind of life here. They’re going to begin to pair off. I’m not going to tell them that they can’t do that. I can’t tell them that they can’t have the lives that they want to have. They have to be free to live their lives. They have to be free to do what’s natural. To do just what they’re doing. To pair off. To find mates.”

“It’s only natural,” Chakotay echoed, “that they’ll start to pair off. They’ll seek mates. Build lives together.”

“That’s exactly it,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay nodded his head gently. His eyes searched her face. Kathryn fought the urge that she sometimes felt to look away from him when he looked at her so intently. 

“That’s what everyone will do,” Chakotay said. “Does that include you?” 

Kathryn’s heart picked up a beat and she felt her breath quicken. She was good at getting her reactions under control, but she didn’t doubt that Chakotay had noticed some change in her even if it lasted no more than a nanosecond. He had to know the effect that he had on her, especially when he said things like that. 

“As the captain, that’s a luxury I don’t have,” Kathryn said. 

She tried to pretend that she didn’t see the expression that crossed Chakotay’s features. Was it disappointment? Sadness? Hurt? She didn’t want to read into the expression because it would only make it harder to keep her resolve. 

“You don’t want marriage?” Chakotay asked. “A mate as you call it? Someone to share your life with in an intimate manner?” 

If she didn’t know why her heart was behaving so erratically, Kathryn might have gone to sick bay to ask the EMH to check her over and make sure she wasn’t suffering from some sort of coronary episode. She knew that they were alone on the bridge. Tuvok passed through every now and again. Tom had passed through once. Nobody was paying them any attention, though, and with nothing concerning taking place, nobody was spending too long in any one place. They passed through to check the monitors at their stations and then they left again. 

Nobody was paying them any attention, and even if they were, they probably wouldn’t understand why it was that their captain was so moved by the voice and expression of the first officer.

“I did,” Kathryn said. “Back on Earth.” 

“Earth is seventy five years away from us,” Chakotay said. “You don’t want something more in that time?”

“I intended for us to be home before Mark gives me up for dead,” Kathryn said. She could lie to him, but she couldn’t lie to herself. Not really. Voyager had disappeared to everyone back home in the Alpha Quadrant. They’d gone completely off the radar. They’d vanished. They’d had no contact whatsoever with their loved ones and nobody back home had any reason to believe that they were still alive. 

Mark would move on. He’d probably already moved on. He was a handsome man with a good job and a lot to offer someone. Kathryn hadn’t been the only woman who’d been interested in him and she hadn’t been the only woman who’d gotten his interest. 

Mark would move on. Maybe he had already moved on. And Kathryn knew it. 

“Do you ever want children, Captain?” Chakotay asked. 

Kathryn swallowed down her desire to tell him that she wished he wouldn’t always call her “captain”. She swallowed down the desire to tell him how much she missed, sometimes, simply hearing her own name or some nickname that made her feel more like a human and less like a job position—even for a moment. 

She didn’t tell him, either, that he had a way of saying “captain” that almost made it sound like a pet name. He could put so much affection behind the word that Kathryn almost felt it was a tender way to address her instead of a formal way. 

“I did,” Kathryn said. She smiled to herself as she remembered the family that she’d once dreamed of having. “But seventy five years is a long time.” 

“Maybe we all have to consider the possibility that our lives on Earth are gone as we know them,” Chakotay said. “Everything we knew before is gone to us for at least the next seventy five years. That would be true, I believe, even for a captain.” 

Kathryn stood up. She had no real need to go anywhere. She had nothing that was immediately pressing for once and nobody was calling out for her assistance. Still, she felt like she absolutely had to leave the Bridge. She had to leave Chakotay’s presence for a few moments. 

If she didn’t, she wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t end up saying or doing something she’d regret.

“I hope to find a way to get us back far sooner than that,” Kathryn said. “In the meantime—I want the crew to find happiness where they can. We’re not going to put restrictions on relationships. I won’t try to control their lives in such a way.”

“And your own?” Chakotay asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“That’s the only life of which I’m ever truly in control,” Kathryn said, already starting to walk away from him so that she wouldn’t have to see his expression. “Commander, you have the Bridge.” 

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AN: Just a note that I’m new to writing for this fandom and I’m new to watching Star Trek. I may not have all the jargon and such just right yet. I’m still learning.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Here we are, another chapter to my short story. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn didn’t expect her day to maintain the unusual calm with which it had begun. She almost welcomed chaos over the calm though, because it distracted her from thoughts of the conversation she’d had with Chakotay on the Bridge. When she was able to throw herself entirely into being a captain, she was able to forget that she was also a human and a woman besides.

Today seemed determined, though, to remind her of her womanhood at every turn.

Of all the members of her crew—some that frequently required her attention—Kes was typically not someone who needed too much from Kathryn. She had joined their crew as a part of one of those very same relationships that Chakotay had been discussing earlier, and she had quickly found a position for herself for which she was well suited, and one that helped all of them as well. 

It seemed that Kes was in need, today, of the counsel of her captain, but also of a little bit of maternal advice. To some degree, it was Kathryn’s job to offer both, so the doctor had contacted her and asked for her presence in sick bay.

Kathryn’s knowledge of the Ocampa was pretty much limited to what she knew about Kes and what Kes told her of her people. At the moment, the young Ocampa was suffering from an elogium and, as far as Kathryn could tell, it was more or less an entrance into puberty—albeit a difficult one from the looks of things. 

Tapping into her tender side as much as she could so that she could give Kes what she needed, Kathryn did her best to brush back the young Ocampa’s sweat-soaked hair and offer her a reassuring smile to soothe over the fear and concern that she could see in her eyes.

“Kes, humans go through something similar. We call it puberty. It can be a scary time, but it’s nothing to be afraid of. It just means your body is maturing. You’re preparing for...for becoming a mother.”

“It’s early,” Kes protested. “I’m not old enough.” 

Kathryn had already heard that, but she was more than prepared to forgive Kes for her repetition because she was clearly overwhelmed. 

“So you’ll wait,” Kathryn said, checking her tone to be sure that she maintained the soft sounding voice she was using to try to comfort Kes. “You don’t have to become a mother today. It just means your body is getting ready. You’ll know when it’s the right time.” 

Kathryn hoped she wasn’t lying to Kes. After all, she’d gone through puberty some time ago and, though she’d felt a tug somewhere within her that said it was time more than once, it had never really been “the right time”. She wasn’t certain she had the ability to know when the right time might be. 

But Kes didn’t need to know about Kathryn’s doubts and struggles—no one did. She needed reassurance, and all that Kathryn had to offer was that which her mother had given her some years before. So she gave Kes what she had—the promise that she’d know it was the right time whenever that time might come to pass. 

“You don’t understand,” Kes said. “The elogium only happens once. If I’m ever to have a child, it has to be now.” 

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Kes’s body was deciding for her when she would become a mother. Nature was taking control. Eventually nature would take control of Kathryn’s body as well. One day nature would tell Kathryn that it was too late. She’d waited too long. 

Kathryn had simply had longer to sit with the idea than Kes had. 

Kes’s choice to become a mother was her own. Kathryn had made that clear to her. If she wanted to have a child, then Kathryn wasn’t going to tell her that she couldn’t. Voyager was more than capable of supporting a child—quite a number of them, in fact—and Kes’s child would be welcomed there.

Kathryn wasn’t going to tell anyone that they couldn’t have what they needed. She wasn’t going to tell them that they couldn’t have the lives they dreamed of just because they were currently living those lives in the Delta Quadrant. If people wanted to marry, then they should marry. It was only natural. And, once their chosen mate was selected, they were free to procreate if that’s what they felt driven to do. She might not be sure exactly how they would handle the numbers or what changes would need to be made on the ship for it to be a place that was fit to raise children, but that was something that Kathryn was sure she could figure out. 

Though she’d never had a child, Kathryn had let her own monthly contraception lapse a number of times. She and Mark would eventually marry. He was almost certain that he didn’t want children, but Kathryn hoped that he’d change his mind. She supposed that, on some level, she’d let her contraception lapse as a way to convince herself that Mark would eventually want to have the family with her that she wanted to have. Beyond that, though, the main reason that she had so often let her contraception lapse was because she was busy and, often, she simply forgot to get it renewed. Her regular doctor would ask her about it when she came in for a visit, but he never contacted her just to remind her. 

Kathryn would have to ask the EMH if she was even up-to-date at the moment. It wasn’t like it mattered, though. She slept alone. She wasn’t up too many nights worrying about any kind of accident of that sort.

And she was the captain of Voyager, so she wouldn’t ever have to worry about that sort of thing. It was simply something that wouldn’t be part of her life. Not the way her life was now. 

She wouldn’t be playing the mating game that everyone else would start playing—if they weren’t already playing it. 

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“Captain,” Chakotay said as he entered her Ready Room.

“Commander,” Kathryn returned with a sigh. 

“Did I come at a bad time?” Chakotay asked. 

“No,” Kathryn said quickly. “No. I’m sorry. It’s just—I’ve just been thinking about the situation with Kes.” 

“I’ve heard about it,” Chakotay said. “Is she really going to have a baby now? With Neelix?” 

Kathryn laughed to herself over Chakotay’s tone. 

“You’ve heard what I’ve heard, I’m sure,” she said. “From what I can tell, it appears that she’s going to go through with it. The elogium only happens once. If she doesn’t act now, she’ll lose her window of opportunity.”

“I expected something like this might eventually happen,” Chakotay said, “but I was surprised that it happened so quickly.”

“I think Kes was every bit as surprised as you were,” Kathryn said. “Neelix too, I’m afraid.”

“You told her to go ahead with it?” Chakotay asked.

“I told her it was her decision,” Kathryn said. “And that’s what I’ll tell everyone. I’m not going to tell anyone that they can’t have children if that’s what they want in their lives. Wasn’t that what you were talking about this morning?” 

“I was talking about relationships,” Chakotay said. “Of course, as you pointed out, Captain, one thing has a way of leading to another. Everyone will pair off, as you said. I suppose that procreation is the inevitable outcome.” 

Kathryn hummed and nodded her agreement. She could only half-heartedly be involved at the moment though. She hadn’t expected this to affect her like it had, but it had her mind going off in a thousand directions at once. She had so much to think about. This would change a great deal about the crew and about the way the ship was run. It was going to be necessary to reexamine a great deal of their policies and discuss them in light of the new developments.

And that didn’t even begin to touch Kathryn’s thoughts about her own life. 

“We’re going to have to consider everything that will need to be reexamined on the ship,” Kathryn said. “Protocols and regulations. We’ve got to make sure that Voyager is ready for a possible population boom.” 

“Voyager is going to handle things fine,” Chakotay said. He invited himself to sit down next to Kathryn with that special familiarity that only Chakotay seemed to have with her. “She’s more than capable of handling a larger crew. I think it’s also important to consider the fact that...well...we may very well need to consider making it mandatory that the crew start having children.”

Kathryn furrowed her brow at him.

“Mandatory procreation?” She asked.

“It doesn’t sound nice when you say it that way,” Chakotay said with a soft smile. “It’s much better if we let them simply do what they’ll naturally do and start building families. Captain—if it takes us seventy five years to get home, we’re going to need replacement crew in about half that time.” 

“Children,” Kathryn said. Chakotay nodded his head. “I guess it’s inevitable. We’re a long way from home.”

Chakotay sat beside her in quiet contemplation for a moment. Kathryn let herself get lost in the thought that seventy five years could see a great deal of changes on the ship. They could see children grow in that time. They could see them take over the ship. They might even see children of those children come to be. 

“Who would have thought,” Kathryn mused, “that we’d be considering a generational ship when we were boarded on a three week commission?”

Chakotay laughed low in his throat. 

“But now that’s where we are,” Chakotay said. “And we have to consider it. It would be wise to do more than consider it.” 

“Promote it?” Kathryn asked. Chakotay nodded. “It might be best,” Kathryn ceded. “We can promote family building on the ship. The growth of the future generation.” 

Chakotay got up from his position without saying anything and started back toward the door of the Ready Room to leave Kathryn in peace until she returned to the Bridge. He usually came and went from her quarters the same way—with an easy and quiet familiarity. 

Today was a calm day. It was an easy day. The kind of day that they really needed sometimes. Although things were somewhat chaotic with Kes, things were fairly tranquil elsewhere aboard the ship. There was some magnetic disturbance that they were monitoring, but for the time being it didn’t seem to be a threat. Kathryn would be called as soon as there was any reason for concern or any decision that needed to be made. For now, Chakotay was more than capable of manning the Bridge if anyone needed to be there. 

Chakotay stopped at the door of the Ready Room and turned back to look at Kathryn. 

“If you don’t mind my asking, Captain, in light of everything we’ve been discussing...have you changed your mind from this morning? As you said, we’re a long way from home. And seventy five years is a long time.” 

Kathryn swallowed. 

“I’m the captain,” Kathryn said. “There are certain things that, as the captain, I must refrain from doing.” 

Chakotay nodded his head. 

“I think you might find that the crew wouldn’t protest in quite the way that I believe you think they would,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn smiled to herself. 

“I would hope that—if I changed my mind, the crew would support me,” Kathryn said. It was the closest she’d come to ceding the point and she noticed Chakotay’s expression change. He smiled at her and nodded, stepping forward to make it clear that he meant to take his leave of her very soon. 

“I’m certain they would,” he said. “And—if you don’t mind my saying, Captain, it would be a disservice to the universe to deny the world, and the crew, a future Captain Janeway.” 

Kathryn couldn’t find the words to respond and she was grateful that Chakotay, probably already suspecting that she wouldn’t know what to say in response, simply smiled at her once more before he quietly excused himself to leave her alone with her thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The magnetic disturbance on the ship was caused by a swarm of insect-like creatures. Apparently Voyager disrupted their mating ritual and then, accidentally, the ship had become the object of desire for any number of the insect creatures.

It was the magnetic disturbance that the insects were causing that was of interest to everyone. It was the magnetic pull of the creatures that was supposed to be drawing Kathryn’s full attention as well.

But at the moment, the possibly-mating bugs seemed to be relatively harmless to the ship and crew, and Kathryn couldn’t entirely keep her mind from drifting to a certain magnetic stirring that was going on inside her. 

It was inappropriate to even be thinking about it on the Bridge, but thankfully no one on the ship practiced any sort of regular mind-reading, so they would never suspect that Kathryn was caught up in her own battle against her attraction to Chakotay and her thoughts about “what if”. 

Earth was seventy five thousand lightyears away. The entirety of their lives, perhaps, would be spent on the ship. If it took them the full time to return to Earth that they estimated it would take, then there was a very real likelihood that many of them would die before their return. Those who lived would be quite old when they saw Earth again. Their lives would be spent on Voyager.

Home was a long distance away. Kathryn had always loved the feeling of home. She was an explorer by nature, but her travels only made coming home that much sweeter. 

Something about Chakotay felt like home and, at the moment, Kathryn found herself feeling quite homesick and quite drawn to the comfort that every part of her seemed sure that Chakotay could offer. 

Kathryn felt that if she were to give into her animal side, she might behave as inappropriately as the insects swarming outside the ship. She almost welcomed the distraction from her own thoughts that came from the sudden and hard jarring motion of the ship.

“What happened?” Kathryn asked.

“The largest of the species appears to be ramming us, Captain,” Tuvok responded.

Before Kathryn could ask what everyone suspected was the cause of the attack against them, the large insect rammed the ship again and Chakotay offered his opinion on the matter freely.

“He’s threatened,” Chakotay say. “He thinks we’re trying to steal his mates. It’s natural for a male to be aggressive in situations surrounding mating. He’s trying to establish dominance over us. He views us as a sexual rival.” 

Kathryn barely kept her balance with the next unexpected ramming that the giant insect gave the ship. 

“What do we do?” Kathryn asked. “How do we let him know that we’re not threatening him and we don’t have any interest in stealing his mates? We’ve got to get away from the swarm somehow, and I don’t want to do damage to the creatures.”

“It may not be possible to avoid it entirely, Captain. The shields are damaged,” Tuvok said. “Perhaps the most logical plan of attack would be to retaliate.” 

“Retaliation?” Kathryn asked.

“He’s bumping us, Captain,” Tuvok explained. “We should bump him back.” 

Kathryn thought that the suggestion sounded, honestly, as good as any that she might come up with. This was her first experience dealing with such a situation, after all. She gave the command to go through with Tuvok’s plan, but it didn’t take long before it became clear that the choice wasn’t a good one. Each time they attempted to bump the insect, it merely responded by bumping them back harder. At the rate they were going, their shields wouldn’t hold until they were able to get away from the swarm of creatures.

“If you don’t mind, Tuvok,” Chakotay said, “maybe we’re going about it all wrong. Maybe we’ve chosen the wrong strategy to deal with him.” 

“If you’ve got an idea, Commander, then I’d like to hear it,” Kathryn said. 

“If he thinks we’re being aggressive,” Chakotay said, “then he’s not going to back down. He’s responding to us, each time, with more aggression. He’s determined to win. Maybe the best thing we could do is submit.” 

“How do we surrender to a creature with which we can’t even communicate?” Kathryn asked. 

“We roll over,” Chakotay said. “That’s what animals do. They roll over to submit. We roll over and vent plasma residue. We communicate to it that we aren’t a threat.” 

“It’s worth a try,” Kathryn said. 

She gave the command, not sure if she believed that they should expect a successful outcome or not, and was disappointed to see that there was no immediate change. She was just about to suggest that they start coming up with other possible solutions, though, when the smaller insects began to slowly detach from Voyager. Slowly they moved away from the ship and went back toward the larger insect that gave up ramming them as a show of dominance.

It worked, and Kathryn felt sorry for having doubted Chakotay for even a moment. 

“It’s working,” Tuvok informed everyone. “It appears we have lost our sex appeal.” 

“Let’s put some distance between ourselves and the swarm,” Kathryn said. “Good work, Commander.” Kathryn stopped herself. She considered whether or not she should make the joke that came immediately to her mind. Chakotay would be the only one present who was privy to their earlier conversations. He would be the only one who would know that it had the potential to be more than a joke. Kathryn wondered, though, if it was appropriate. She decided that it would be harmless and everyone present would take it as nothing more than light teasing. “In the future, if I have any questions about mating behavior, I’ll know where to go.” 

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Kathryn was surprised at the fact that her heart was pounding in her chest the way it was when Chakotay walked through the door of her Ready Room. Her breathing was irregular, too, and there was nothing she could do to change that fact. 

“Captain,” Chakotay offered as a greeting. 

“Commander,” Kathryn returned. “I’m really a little busy. There are several crew members who have asked for the chance to meet with me...

Kathryn was only partially lying. There were a number of things that she needed to do, and there were some crew members who had asked for her attention some time before she retired for the night, but there were still several hours available to her for work. She wasn’t in any rush that would mean that Chakotay absolutely needed to go.

His presence, though, stirred something up within Kathryn and, especially after their earlier conversations, she was almost afraid to confront him again. 

He interrupted her, though, not letting her get through the speech she was busy creating to dismiss him. 

“This won’t take but a moment, Captain,” Chakotay said. 

“Very well,” Kathryn ceded.

Chakotay didn’t guard his place at the door. He didn’t sit in the chair that was strategically placed for anyone who wanted to talk to Kathryn. He walked around the desk and stood beside Kathryn’s chair. His proximity did nothing to slow the pounding of her heart. 

“You said that if you had any questions about mating rituals, you’d know where to go,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn stood up. She was a head shorter than Chakotay, but standing at least made her feel less vulnerable than sitting did. 

“You helped us out there, Commander,” Kathryn said. “Without your insight we might not have been able to get away from the swarm while avoiding more damage to the ship or the creatures.” 

Chakotay nodded his head once, barely acknowledging what she’d said. He wasn’t interested in more thanks or praise. 

“I didn’t know if you had any more questions,” Chakotay said. “If there was anything—you wanted to ask me.” 

Kathryn swallowed. She held his eyes only because she felt like she couldn’t look away from him when he was looking at her so intently. To do so felt like it would be some kind of surrender. It would be some kind of submission.

“I believe that—I know all that I need to know for now,” Kathryn responded.

“If you change your mind,” Chakotay offered, letting the phrase hang there. 

Kathryn nodded and gave a soft “thank you” for his offer. But Chakotay didn’t dismiss himself. He didn’t move at all. He didn’t even look away from Kathryn. 

“Is there something else?” Kathryn asked.

“As a matter of fact,” Chakotay said, “there is. Captain—if you don’t have any questions, may I simply offer you some information?” Whether or not Kathryn was going to allow him to offer the information was irrelevant because he immediately offered it anyway. “Sometimes in mating rituals the female shows interest and sometimes it’s the male that initiates mating. For some species, the female is submissive. In others, she’s dominant. From time to time, the male pursues the female gently. Other times, he’s more aggressive.” 

Kathryn listened to him, grateful that he couldn’t hear the thundering of her heart. 

“I would imagine that, for some species, a little of everything might be possible,” Kathryn said.

“Only for some of the most complicated,” Chakotay said. He reached his hand up and surprised Kathryn by cupping her jaw with it and tipping her head so that she was looking at him more directly. “You’re one of the most complicated women that I’ve ever known—and that includes women of all species.” 

“I’m not trying to be complicated,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed quietly to himself, the smile lingering on his lips. He didn’t take his hand away from Kathryn’s face and she didn’t ask him to. Almost against her will, she actually leaned her face into his hand, enjoying the feeling of it against her skin. 

“That’s what makes it so irresistible,” Chakotay said. “You don’t even know what you’re doing. I’m going to risk being highly inappropriate. I’ve tried the gentle pursuing. I’ve—indicated interest. I’ve followed up on that interest. It doesn’t seem like that works, though, and I can’t say that I feel like I’m getting a clear response from you that truly indicates whether you’re interested or not. Because of that, I feel as though I have only one choice.” 

Kathryn didn’t get to ask him what that choice was. She didn’t have the opportunity to respond to what he’d said at all. Chakotay brought his lips to hers and slipped his hand around to the back of her neck. He held her there like she might try to break away from him and run away from the kiss. Maybe she meant to run from it, but she simply couldn’t find the strength within herself to run from something she wanted. She leaned up, balancing on the balls of her feet, to deepen the kiss and Chakotay responded by gladly allowing her to do so. 

By the time that he broke the kiss, Kathryn was ashamed of her breathing and she felt the warm heat rise in her cheeks. 

Chakotay’s breathing, too, was not what it had been when he’d first come in the room.

Every professional fiber of her being told Kathryn that she should tell him to leave. She should scold him for the kiss. She should tell him it was inappropriate, and she should warn him that nothing like that was to ever happen again if he wanted to avoid being punished for it. 

Every other part of her, though—every part that simply belonged to the woman Kathryn Janeway, and not to the captain—wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to see where the kiss would go. She had a pretty good feeling that she knew where it might end up and she wanted the experience. 

She found, though, that she couldn’t respond at all. She could only stand there, feeling the heat in her body, while she stared at Chakotay’s eyes and thought of how they simply made her feel like she was home.

Chakotay broke the silence. 

“Tell me that you’re writing me up if you don’t want me to do it again,” Chakotay said, “and I won’t.”

“I’m not writing you up, Commander,” Kathryn said. 

“Tell me to leave, then,” Chakotay said. “If that’s what you want.” 

Kathryn considered it. This was it. The ball was back in her court again. He was giving the power back to her.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Kathryn said, her pulse picking up at the oddly vulnerable feeling that such a statement gave her. “But—I do have to work.” 

Chakotay smiled to himself. 

“May I request a meeting with you, Captain? Tonight? At 21:00?” Chakotay asked. Kathryn nodded her head. “In your Ready Room?” 

“I believe it would be better to meet in my quarters, Commander,” Kathryn said. “But—it should be a private meeting.” 

“Of course,” Chakotay said. “We’ll keep it between us and off the records. Finish your work, Captain. I’ll see you at 21:00.”

Without saying anything else, Chakotay took his leave of Kathryn and left the Ready Room. Kathryn sat down in her chair. She touched her lips. She could still feel his lips there, even though the touch was nothing more than a memory now. 

A memory she was likely to relive.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. Not much more to go in this little short story. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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When Kathryn heard the light tapping at the door, her stomach flipped and she smiled to herself. She was nervous. The presence of a man was making her nervous and that was something that hadn’t happened for some time. 

“Come in,” Kathryn said, her voice barely loud enough for her caller to hear. 

Chakotay didn’t hesitate to come inside with the two mugs that he was carrying. He crossed the room to the spot where Kathryn stood. She didn’t even have to move a step to meet him. He immediately handed her one of the mugs. 

“Coffee,” he said, seeming to anticipate her need for an explanation. “I know how much you love it. I’ve noticed how you save your replicator rations for it and I had quite a few extra. I didn’t want to come empty handed and I thought you might like it even more than something like wine. At least you know it won’t interfere with your judgement. You can drink it and still think clearly.” 

Kathryn accepted the mug and studied the contents for just a moment. She was far more moved by the gesture than she should have been over a simple cup of coffee.

“A man who uses his replicator rations to get me coffee may already be interfering with my judgement and affecting my thinking more than any intoxicating drink ever could,” Kathryn teased.

Chakotay smiled at her and brushed her cheek with his hand. It was the first tender touch between them since he’d entered the room, but Kathryn was sure it wouldn’t be the last. 

“If I had known that replicator rations were the best way to woo you,” Chakotay said, “I’d never have spent a single one in any other way.” 

Kathryn smiled at his flattery, but she did her best to cover over how entirely smitten she felt—because that was the only way she could describe the feeling—by quickly turning her attention to the mug for a moment. She felt that she should somehow try to mask her enthusiasm a little. She smelled the coffee, but she didn’t taste it. 

“Thank you,” Kathryn said. “But the caffeine will keep us both up all night.” 

“I may be able to think of a few ways we could burn off some excess energy,” Chakotay responded. “But—it’s decaf. All of the flavor and none of the energy.” 

“Do you just think of everything?” Kathryn asked. 

“I don’t always,” Chakotay said. “But I do try. Especially when it comes to you.” Kathryn swallowed. Once again, with a few soft words and that damned way he had of looking at her, Chakotay had her heart behaving badly inside her chest. He might have been able to hear it thundering away, because a hint of a smile tripped across his lips. He brought his hand back to her face and then dropped it to her neck, his fingers massaging the skin there. Kathryn felt the electricity of the touch jolt through her entire body and she shivered involuntarily with the pleasure of the fairly innocent contact. If he could do that to her by simply rubbing her neck, she wasn’t sure she’d survive whatever else it seemed it he had in mind. “You look—beautiful,” Chakotay said. He laughed to himself. “And if you don’t say something soon? I’m going to believe I’ve stumbled into the wrong room and you’re not interested.” 

Kathryn brought her hand up and wrapped it around Chakotay’s wrist while he maintained his position with his hand on the back of her neck. She rubbed her thumb over his skin.

“I am interested,” Kathryn said. “But sometimes when I’m with you? I don’t know what to say. You do that to me. You take away—some of my words.” Now it was Kathryn’s turn to laugh to herself. “But it never seems to matter because it’s like you can read my mind. You know my thoughts.” 

Chakotay kissed her, pulling her into him, the same way he had in her Ready Room. She had to move quickly to move the mug she was holding out of the way so that neither of them ended up wearing its contents. This time Chakotay let the kiss play out longer than before. It was slow and delicious. There was no need to rush for either of them. They decided how long this lasted. Nobody else was even aware that it was taking place.

Kathryn practically felt drunk when the kiss finished. She touched her lips with her fingertips and then she sucked in a breath and let it out as a sigh.

“You wish I hadn’t done that?” Chakotay asked.

“I think we need to talk,” Kathryn said. “I just—I need to talk. But I certainly don’t wish you hadn’t done that.”

“Of course,” Chakotay said. He gestured toward the sitting area of her quarters. “Let’s talk. We’ll talk about whatever you want to talk about. Anything that’s on your mind.” 

“We’d be here all night if we talked about everything that’s on my mind,” Kathryn said, sitting. Chakotay sat beside her and she was glad that he felt comfortable enough to do so. She didn’t want him to think that she was rejecting him just because she needed to give voice to her thoughts.

“I can’t say I’d necessarily mind that,” Chakotay responded.

“What is the crew going to say?” Kathryn asked.

“I don’t know,” Chakotay admitted. “But if you want me to go and survey every one of them, I’ll go get started. Will that help you?” 

Kathryn laughed at his teasing. 

“It might,” she said. “But I’ll save you the trouble for tonight. I just mean—it’s not appropriate for me to enter into a relationship as captain. Not with one of my crew. If it were an established relationship then maybe...”

“Things are going to have to be different,” Chakotay said, “on a ship that’s going to be a generational ship. It’s reasonable to expect that a captain would have no personal life on a three week mission, but it’s hardly even humane to think that a captain would remain isolated for the better part of seventy five years. Besides, Starfleet is hesitant to regulate matters of relationships. I think the same would extend to the captain.”

“Unless it means I’m unable to perform my duties,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed. 

“Drink your coffee,” he said. To remind her that she still held the mug, he drank from his own. “It’s already cold.” 

Kathryn tasted it. 

“I never minded cold coffee,” she said. 

“Do you really think you’d be unable to do your duties?” Chakotay asked. 

“Someone could accuse me of it,” Kathryn said.

“They could do that anyway,” Chakotay said. “And whether they did it now or later, it would be the same thing—entirely ridiculous and quickly overthrown by the rest of the crew.” 

“People may not like it because they’ll say I’m showing favoritism,” Kathryn said. 

“If that’s really a concern of yours then we’ll go the other way,” Chakotay said. “We’ll strive to make it clear that you absolutely never show any favoritism toward me. We’ll make sure that we’re strictly business outside of private quarters if that’s what you want.” 

“You have to call me Captain out there,” Kathryn said. “But...in here...”

“Kath?” Chakotay asked, not requiring Kathryn to finish her thought. “In private?” 

Kathryn shook her head. 

“That’s what Mark used to call me and—to tell you the truth? I never really cared for it,” Kathryn said. “Not if I can be honest about it.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“Kathryn?” He asked. “Or is it too formal?” 

Kathryn shook her head. 

“It’s perfect,” she said. “Though I haven’t heard it in a while. At least not when it wasn’t being used for introductions.” 

“Not with affection?” Chakotay asked.

“Certainly not with affection,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay leaned closer to her. He rested his face against the side of her head. She heard him inhale like he was trying to breathe her in. She closed her eyes and another of the shivers that he could produce in her ran through her body.

“Kathryn,” he said softly, practically breathing it out as he let of go of the breath that he’d inhaled. Kathryn had never heard her name said quite the same way before or with quite the same feeling behind it.

“It sounds nice,” Kathryn admitted, “when you say it like that.” 

“Kathryn,” Chakotay repeated. “It’s a beautiful name. It would have to be, though. It belongs to you.” 

“You’re trying to flatter me,” Kathryn said. She couldn’t keep the smile away from her lips, though, no matter how hard she tried to pretend that she was scolding Chakotay. He moved away from her to study her face. With something of a smirk he drank the cold coffee from his mug. Kathryn followed suit. Chakotay clearly didn’t enjoy the cooled coffee, but it didn’t bother Kathryn and it gave her something to occupy her hands. 

“Is it working?” Chakotay asked.

“It is,” Kathryn admitted.

“What else do you want to talk about?” Chakotay asked. 

Kathryn considered the question. She studied Chakotay’s face. His eyes were so warm. They were so inviting. They were comfortable. 

His hands, when they touched her, made her feel like she hadn’t felt in quite a long time. Mark had been a good match for her on paper, and she’d cared for him enough that she’d said she didn’t miss some things that simply weren’t there between them, but there was something to be said for the almost electric feeling that Chakotay’s touch brought to her skin.

His lips were soft and the way that he kissed her made her hungry for more. She wanted to keep coming back to them.

But more than any of the physical aspects of Chakotay, Kathryn felt herself drawn to the man himself. She felt herself drawn to his spirit and to his heart. He was yin and yang all in one body. He followed rules well, but believed in rebellion. He was tough, but there was a softness to him that he wore unashamed and unapologetically. 

The feelings she knew she felt for him were far stronger than she’d be willing to give name to at the moment. 

“I want to know—what you want,” Kathryn said. “I feel like all I’ve done is talk about what I want, but I want to know what you want.” 

“Do you really want to know what I want?” Chakotay asked.

“Absolutely,” Kathryn assured him. She put down the mug that she’d finally emptied on the table near them. Then she sat with her hands in her lap, watching him intently, to let him know that he’d have her complete attention. 

He nodded to himself and put his own mug down.

“I want what I’ve wanted since—almost the first moment I saw you,” Chakotay said. “And I told you before that I’ll be forward about it, so I will. I want you. And whatever it’s going to take to get you? I’m willing to do it. So if there’s something you need to make you feel more—at ease? I want to know what it is so I can make it happen. Kathryn.” 

Kathryn smiled to herself. He added her name as an afterthought. He said it with the same determination and force that he used when he called her “Captain”. The same affection, though, was also there that she’d often felt behind his use of her title. 

“Surely you must have some concerns, Chakotay,” Kathryn said, testing out how it sounded to say his name entirely without a title and seeped in affection that she usually held back on. “Won’t you let me help you with them?”

Kathryn anticipated the kiss that he moved to offer her and she came to him, accepting the kiss and kissing him back so that he knew she wanted the kiss every bit as much as he wanted to offer it. The same electricity that she’d felt earlier pulsed through her body and she didn’t try to fight her desire. Kathryn moved, shifting herself closer to Chakotay. She brought her hand up and ran it through his hair, catching as many of the locks as possible and tugging at them with her fingers. Chakotay responded by wrapping his hands around her rib cage and pulling her until Kathryn almost felt like he might simply pick her up and sit her down directly in his lap to get her closer to him.

He stopped short of doing that, though, and pulled away from the kiss before Kathryn was ready to let it go. A sound of disappointment escaped her lips as soon as his were off of hers. 

“The only thing I want is you,” Chakotay said sincerely, his breathing just a little ragged. “And my only concern is that, any minute now, you’re going to send me back to my quarters.” 

Kathryn smiled softly at him and touched his cheek. 

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about,” Kathryn said. “Because—I was just going to suggest that, as long as you’re here, you might like to see if the first officer and the captain were issued the same mattress. That is, as long as you’re interested in knowing.” 

Chakotay stood up. He held his hand out to Kathryn. She slipped her hand in his and helped her to her feet. He surprised her, though, when he simply lifted her off her feet the moment that she was standing. Normally Kathryn might have scolded any man who picked her up like that for the indignity of it, but she didn’t feel like scolding Chakotay for it. Instead, she discovered that she liked being completely under his control for the moment—especially since she knew that he would give her back the reins at any time that she might request them.

“There’s a great deal I want to know, Kathryn,” Chakotay said, carrying her toward the bed. “But that’s as good a place to start as any.”


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Here we are, the last little chapter here (at least for now) in my first multi-chapter short story.

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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Kathryn felt both energized and exhausted. 

As she lie there, her eyes closed, it felt like her body was swaying even though she was completely still in the bed. She felt satiated. She was satisfied in a way that she wasn’t sure she’d ever really been satisfied before. Her body still tingled with the lingering sensation of teeth and hands. Just as she’d been able to feel Chakotay’s kisses on her lips after he’d removed his own, Kathryn could feel his presence all over her body, the dull ache between her was legs a strangely delicious reminder of the fact that he’d only left her body a few moments before. 

Kathryn felt the bed rock, but she didn’t open her eyes. She didn’t want to break the spell that had come over her. She felt perfectly relaxed and she feared that if she moved, she’d never achieve that feeling again. 

She opened her eyes, though, when she felt Chakotay’s return to the bed and she felt him move her legs, opening her to him once more. 

She smiled at him.

“Again?” She asked. “Already? I know some men have more stamina than others but...eventually everyone has to get tired, Chakotay. Even you.” 

He laughed to himself and Kathryn felt the sensation of warmth and the gentle touch of Chakotay wiping her down with the warm, damp cloth that he’d brought to her. 

“I’d love to,” he said. “But it’s like you said, everyone has to get tired. Everyone needs to rest. I’m pretty spent.” 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Kathryn said, reaching to take the rag from him.

Chakotay lifted her leg and kissed the side of her calf before he lowered it again. 

“I didn’t have to,” he said. “I wanted to. You know, since you were so interested in mating rituals before, there are some species where the male takes care of the female after mating. Usually that’s with cleaning.” 

Chakotay disappeared to Kathryn’s bathroom and returned back a moment later. He was naked and he was glorious. He was even more beautiful without his clothes than Kathryn had imagined he’d be. He was entirely unashamed to walk around naked, as well, not that he had anything of which he needed to be ashamed. 

He was an incredible lover. Kathryn had imagined he might be, but she’d prepared herself for the possibility that he might be far clumsier in the bedroom than he was in every other area of life. She’d prepared herself for the fact that he might lose all the smoothness that he seemed to have at the moment of truth. She’d even prepared herself for the fact that he might not be a very experienced lover or that his normal caring and attentive nature might not carry over to the bedroom. She’d prepared herself for the worst case scenario and she’d decided, because of how she felt about him, that it wouldn’t matter. Even if he was the worst lover imaginable, Kathryn would still feel for him the way that she did. She would accept him for who he was and, maybe, she could convince him that they should work together to learn new things.

But he’d already taught her a few new things. She had prepared for the worst, but she honestly hadn’t prepared herself for how absolutely amazing it could be. 

Chakotay returned to the bed and crawled up it. He stopped, along his path to the head of the bed, to plant several kisses at random intervals over Kathryn’s body. She waited until he settled down next to her, facing her, and she ran her fingertips over his shoulder.

She couldn’t help but smile at him. He had a soft, sleepy look in his eyes. It was a dreamy look and he wore it while he studied her face. 

“Why do you look at me like that?” She asked. “With that look in your eyes?” He smiled at her.

“I’ve been watching you sleep,” he offered.

“I wasn’t asleep,” Kathryn told him.

“I suspected as much,” Chakotay responded, “but you were close enough that I could imagine you sleeping. I thought to myself—this is Kathryn Janeway and she’s let down her guard enough to be sleeping next to me. How did I manage to get so lucky?”

“So you were watching me sleep,” Kathryn said. “Relishing the fact that I was vulnerable?” 

“The fact that you were open,” Chakotay said. “It’s a sign of trust. There are very few species that trust each other enough to sleep together. That’s something entirely different than just mating.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“I know a little about mating too, you know,” Kathryn said.

Chakotay smiled.

“Judging from your performance,” Chakotay said, “I’d say you know a good deal.”

“I’m a quick study,” Kathryn said. “And you’re a pretty great teacher. But you know—in some species? The female kills the male after mating.” 

He looked at her, amused, and Kathryn raised her eyebrow at him.

“So that’s how this is going to play out?” Chakotay asked. He ran his finger across her lips and Kathryn kissed his fingertip. He trailed that same finger down her body until he found her nipple. To tease her, he gently rubbed her nipple between his finger and thumb. Kathryn closed her eyes for a second to the sensation. It wouldn’t take much before her body was crying out for his attentions again. She hadn’t realized how truly starving she was for touch until it was finally being offered to her. “You’ve gotten everything you need from me and now you’re going to kill me?” 

Kathryn laughed low in her throat. 

“Never,” she said. “But then, I’m not sure that I could ever get everything I need from you. Even now...” She broke off as Chakotay’s hand left her breast and tickled its way down her body. His fingers rubbed the soft curls that, thankfully, he hadn’t said anything about. Kathryn hadn’t exactly thought to prepare for this evening, but at least Chakotay didn’t seem to mind. He hadn’t seemed to mind at all. “You do that and I can’t even finish a sentence,” Kathryn managed when he stopped rubbing. He smiled when she spoke, though, and just made it worse by closing the last bit of distance and slipping his hand between her legs to tease her with his fingers. Kathryn bit her lip against the sensations that built up quickly in her body. She was already sensitive. It wouldn’t take much and Chakotay knew that. 

“I can take care of you,” Chakotay offered. “Again,” he added, not trying to hide the hint of smugness to his tone.

“I’d rather wait for you,” Kathryn said, willing herself to roll so that he lost contact with her body. He changed positions and immediately hovered over her. He covered her mouth with his own and she shared a lazy kiss with him.

“I didn’t expect for us to be able to go as many times as we did,” Chakotay said. “It’ll be a while before I’m able to do it again.” 

“How long?” Kathryn asked.

“Long enough that we’ll both need to sleep before then,” Chakotay said. “We’ve still got duties tomorrow.” Some of the joviality faded from his features. “Long enough that I’ll have already gone back to my quarters by then.” 

Kathryn felt an entirely unexpected lump rise in her throat. She rubbed his arms as he hovered over her. She squeezed his muscles in her hands. 

“And if I asked you to stay?” Kathryn asked.

He smiled softly at her. 

“I would still need time to recover,” Chakotay said. 

“Just to stay,” Kathryn clarified. 

“We’d still have to work in the morning,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn smiled to herself. 

“I’ve heard that some species cuddle after mating,” Kathryn said. “They hold each other. It strengthens the bond between them.” 

“I thought you might want me to leave,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn searched his face and he returned to his position next to her. 

“If I’m being honest, I never want you to leave,” Kathryn said. “I always miss you when you’re gone—even if you’re just around the corner.” She licked her lips. He was giving her no indication of how he felt about what she said. All he was doing was staring at her with the same dreamy look that he usually wore when he was just watching her and seeming to peer into her soul. “Does that make you want to leave?” Kathryn asked. “Run back to your quarters as fast as you can?” 

“No,” Chakotay assured her. “Quite the opposite. It makes me want to tell you to...come here. Let me hold you. Let me watch you sleep for real this time. But I’m worried that in the morning, when we wake up, you’ll feel differently because you’ll be concerned about the crew finding out.” 

Kathryn sucked in a breath and let it out.

“They’re going to find out,” Kathryn said. “One way or another, they’re going to find out. Sooner or later.” 

“I’m willing to try to keep it under wraps as long as you are,” Chakotay promised her. 

“If we try to hide it,” Kathryn said, “then it just looks like we’re saying it’s something to be ashamed of. It looks like we’re ashamed of what we’re doing. I’m not ashamed of this, Chakotay. I’m not ashamed of you.”

“I’m not ashamed of you, either,” Chakotay assured her. 

Kathryn’s stomach flipped. She laughed to herself, and she was thankful that Chakotay didn’t ask her what it was that had brought out the quick and quiet burst of laughter that she’d been able to get under control in almost an instant. She wasn’t prepared to tell him that her mind kept offering the same thing to her—the same line that it wanted her to say—and she was having to swallow it down because it was much too soon. It was too soon for him to hear it. It was too soon for her to say it. If he knew that she was already thinking it, he would truly run for his quarters.

It was too soon to be thinking about the fact that what she felt for him, she was almost certain, was love. 

“I think the crew will accept it,” Kathryn said.

“I think they’ll do more than accept it,” Chakotay said. “I think they’ll be pleased.”

“We’ll maintain a professional relationship out there,” Kathryn said. “On the Bridge.” 

“Of course,” Chakotay agreed. 

“But I don’t want to hide,” Kathryn said. 

“Then let’s not hide,” Chakotay responded.

Kathryn sucked in a breath and nodded at him. As she released the air, she relaxed again. She yawned and quickly apologized.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Chakotay said. “I’ve kept you up hours too late already.”

“Stay?” Kathryn asked. 

“Come here,” Chakotay said. Kathryn followed his instructions and allowed him to help her adjust herself so that she was lying in his arms. She rested her head on his chest. She could hear the sounds of him living. She could hear him breathing. She could hear his heart beating in his chest. It was a beautiful sound. She hummed to herself. “You’re comfortable?” Chakotay asked.

“Perfect,” Kathryn responded. “This feels—amazing.”

She heard the laughter rumble through Chakotay’s chest and she laughed simply in response to it. 

“That line’s been uttered a few times tonight by both of us,” Chakotay said. 

“It was true every time,” Kathryn responded. “At least for me.” 

Chakotay moved to kiss her face. 

“It was true for me too. Even now. Go to sleep, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. 

“You’ll stay the night?” Kathryn asked.

“Absolutely,” Chakotay responded. “Some species—they mate for life. What I forgot to tell you was—I’m one of those. You can sleep, Kathryn. I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight or...ever. Not for as long as you want me here. I play for keeps.”


End file.
